The Doctor, the Hag, and the AU, or, Bones and the Hallmark Christmas Movie Curse

Chapter 8: Two Guys, Chillin' in a Pickup...

The truck breaks down in the middle of nowhere. Apollo's dodgeball finally hits. Spock gets hypothermia. Bones becomes aware that he makes very poor decisions.

"It smells like gasoline," Spock said, sounding concerned. Bones wished that he had had the time to scrub off some of that nasty scent, and worried that they would investigate.

"Oh, yeah," Jim said dismissively. "That happens sometimes."

Spock accepted this and started the long drive back to Smalltown, and Bones reflected on how weird it felt to be grateful for Jim's tendency towards stupidity. Eventually, once they were far out in the middle of nowhere, the truck started to sputter.

"I assume that this isn't normal," Spock said flatly as the truck died, rolling to a stop.

"Uh, no. No it is not," Jim said, confused. He leaned towards Spock to check the gauges on the dash. "Oh, what? How are we out of gas? I fueled up before we left, what the hell?" He exclaimed in despair before opening his door and flinging himself outside to go investigate. Spock reluctantly followed him into the wind and snow.

Bones could hear the wavering metallic twang produced when the hood of the truck popped open, and he felt the truck's weight shift as Jim leaned forward onto it, searching for problems. He eventually gave up, slamming the hood back down, and Bones used the crunch of Jim’s boots to track his movement as he walked around the truck. After some hesitation, Jim grumbled and got onto the ground, scooting under the truck to take a look at the undercarriage.

"Dammit!" Jim huffed in frustration, dragging himself back out from under the truck.

"What is it?" Spock asked.

Jim stood up and brushed the snow off his clothes. "There's a hole in the bottom of the gas tank," he grumbled. "No idea how that could have happened. Sorry Spock, we're gonna have to hang tight for a bit."

There were more footsteps as Jim walked back around the truck, then the sound of two doors opening and closing once again as the two got back inside. They sat in silence for a minute, letting themselves warm up in the shelter of the cab.

"I'm gonna call Scotty, he'll rescue us," Jim said decisively, shifting to the side to fish his phone from his pocket.

"Who is Scotty?" Spock asked.

"Roadside assistance," Jim answered, before correcting himself. "Well, he's the de facto roadside assistance. He's the vehicle rental guy, and the best mechanic this side of the Mississippi." There was a series of beeps, then a minute of silence before Jim snapped the phone shut and sighed. "More bad news," he announced. "I don't have service out here."

There was a shuffle before Spock said, "I don't have service either," before clicking his own phone shut and sighing. "We can hail a passing vehicle. Someone is bound to pass by soon, right?"

"Uh… maybe," Jim said nervously, as if he knew that nobody ever drove down this middle-of-nowhere road and he was trying to sound optimistic for Spock's sake, but failing.

Spock ignored Jim's uncertainty, changing the subject. "I have discovered that the rumour I was sent to investigate unfortunately appears to be true," he said gravely.

"What!?" Jim exclaimed in shock.

What!? Bones thought, nearly saying it out loud but biting his tongue at the last second. But I made that shit up!

"The country club owns a significant amount of land that most of the town's businesses are built on," Spock said. "There is one piece of land they have yet to acquire before they have a plot large enough to install a Walmart."

"But what about all the businesses on that land?" Jim asked.

"They plan to cancel the leases and bulldoze the buildings," Spock said grimly.

There was a long silence. "All those people," Jim said quietly. "My friends. This will ruin them. We can't let this happen!"

"I am in agreement," Spock answered. "I am unsure of what I can do, but once we are back in town I will contact my superiors at the newspaper with my findings. Hopefully we can at least raise awareness of the situation to the citizens and business owners of Smalltown and put pressure on the country club to be transparent with their intentions."

"When we get back I'm going to talk to Nyota," Jim said. "She'll know what to do." He was silent for a moment. "Be honest. Do you think we can fix this?" He asked weakly.

Spock hesitated for a moment, but when he spoke he sounded certain. "I believe we can."

"Right, yeah, of course we can," Jim said, seeming to relax just a bit. "Power of the people and all that. We'll figure out something." After a beat he asked, "How did you get all that information, anyways?"

"Trade secret," Spock replied, and said nothing more on the matter.

"Spock, you're shivering!" Jim said, sounding concerned. They had been stuck in the broken down truck for over an hour already, and the cold outdoor temperatures had quickly seeped into the cab. In that time, another vehicle had yet to make an appearance.

"I am fine," Spock said, clearly fighting to keep his voice from shaking from the cold. "Do not worry about me."

"I am worried about you," Jim said stubbornly. "Your lips are turning blue."

Shit, he's hypothermic, Bones thought, mentally cursing himself for coming up with the most dangerous schemes to get these two idiots together. None of this would be worth it if he killed one of them.

"I assure you, I am fine," Spock repeated just before his teeth began to chatter.

"No, you fucking aren't fine," Jim sighed. "Hang on, I've got some blankets in the backseat," he said, reaching an arm back, blindly searching for one of the many blankets he kept in his truck specifically for this type of scenario.

Bones peered out from his hiding place under one of the blankets and held his breath as Jim's hand got dangerously close to brushing against him. In a last ditch effort to avoid discovery, Bones grabbed one of the other blankets and brought it closer to Jim's flailing hand.

"Here we go," Jim said, his hand coming into contact with the offered blanket, dragging it over the seat and leaning over to wrap it around Spock. "There, better?" He asked.

"Yes," Spock answered, but Bones could tell from his voice that the cold blanket wasn't giving him any immediate relief.

Jim seemed to notice this too, because he said, "I think I have a couple candles and a lighter back there too. You'd be surprised how much heat a couple little flames can produce!" He said cheerily, for Spock's sake.

Bones panicked as Jim's hand reappeared over the seat, searching around blindly. He looked around frantically, and luckily spotted some candles and a lighter under the driver's seat, bundled together with rubber bands. He reached under the seat and fished the bundle out, pushing the items up into Jim's hand just before Jim bumped into him. He let out a silent sigh of relief as Jim took the supplies back into the front of the cab, busying himself with setting up the candles.

"There," Jim said, after a few clicks of the lighter. "This should help a bit, okay?" Bones could see the top of Spock's head as he nodded, still shivering. Jim hesitated for a moment. "You stay here. I'm gonna walk down the road until I get a cell signal so I can call Scotty."

"You should stay here and wait for a passing car," Spock said, voice shaking as he shivered. "It is too cold outside, it won't take long for you to become hypothermic."

"Yeah, but Spock, you're already hypothermic," Jim sighed. "I can't risk you freezing to death in the time it takes a car to come upon us. I'll only be gone a few minutes. Stay here, okay?"

"Be careful," Spock said.

"I will." Jim was about to open the door, but stopped himself. "I should wear some boots," he said, and Bones' heart rate spiked as Jim once again reached into the backseat. Acting quickly, Bones passed one boot to the flailing hand, then the other, once again avoiding detection. However, he had to fight not to make any noise when Jim threw his shoes into the backseat, one of which struck Bones in the face. Without any further delay, Jim opened the door and flung himself out, shutting the door behind him quickly to keep whatever heat remained inside the cab from escaping

It was a long twenty minutes of listening to Spock's teeth chattering. Bones was shivering too, and he had his jaws clenched tight to stop the audible clacking of his teeth that would give away his position. Jim re-entered the truck swiftly, shivering from the cold wind outside. He spent a moment rubbing his arms to warm up some before reporting on the situation.

"Scotty'll be here in half an hour," he said, breathless. "Think you can hold out until then?"

"Perhaps," Spock said weakly, and Jim turned to look at him.

"You don't look so good," he said quietly, sounding particularly worried. Bones cursed himself for his terrible ideas.

Jim thought for a moment, coming up with a plan. The outside of his coat was cold from the freezing wind outside, but the inside was warm from his body heat, so he unzipped his jacket and wriggled out of it. "Here," he said to Spock, "I'll trade you."

Spock was reluctant to let Jim take the blanket from him but was too cold to do anything about it. Jim quickly put his coat around Spock's shoulders, tugging the hood over his head and drawing it snugly around him, then arranging the blanket so it encompassed both of them.

"Is this okay?" Jim asked. The furry fringe of Jim's parka bobbed as Spock nodded. Jim scooted closer to Spock. "Here, give me your hands," he said, and Spock did so without hesitation. Their breath clouded out in front of them as Jim tried to rub some warmth into Spock's frozen fingers.

Bones would have been pleased with this development if he wasn't so goddamned cold and possibly responsible for frostbite and severe hypothermia. Instead, he counted down the minutes until Scotty was due to arrive as Jim and Spock huddled together, likely doing the same.

"Come on, lads," said Scotty. "I've got the heat cranked up to eleven, we'll get some life back into you yet."

"You're a hero, Scotty," Jim said as he untangled himself from Spock, leading his frozen companion out of the truck.

"I know," Scotty teased.

"No tow truck?" Jim asked when he got out of the truck.

"Tow truck wouldn't start in this temperature, I'll have to come back tomorrow." Scotty said, and the door of the truck slammed shut, muffling the rest of their conversation as they got into Scotty's vehicle.

"Oh, fuck," Bones whispered to himself as he heard the other vehicle roll off into the distance, realizing that he was trapped in the middle of nowhere in frozen conditions. "How the hell am I gonna get back now?"

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