The Doctor, the Hag, and the AU, or, Bones and the Hallmark Christmas Movie Curse

Chapter 9: War Room

The gang prepares for a war against the country club, Walmart, and Old Man Janson.

The bright morning sunlight shone through the nearly ineffective blinds directly into Bones' face, waking him up. He grumbled at the light and turned away from it, intending to go back to sleep when he realized that there shouldn’t be morning sunlight on a spaceship. He opened his eyes, looking at his surroundings briefly, realizing that he was in his room at the Smalltown Motel, and not in his quarters on the Enterprise.

Bones groaned. "Well, so much for hoping this had all been a dumb dream, after all," he sighed when he looked at the digital alarm clock. Ten o' clock. "And I overslept."

He forced himself to get up out of necessity. If he didn't have a looming deadline he probably would have just gone back to sleep. He was still exhausted from the long walk in the freezing cold the evening before. It had been a disaster. First of all, he didn't know what direction the town was in, so when the road Scotty's vehicle drove down turned into a T-intersection, Bones had no idea which direction to take, and ended up choosing the wrong one. He easily could have frozen to death out there if a rare passing vehicle hadn't stopped for him.

"You know," the driver of the vehicle said when Bones got into the passenger's seat, eager to thaw out his fingers. "You don't get to go back to your universe if you die."

Bones turned towards the driver, and was surprised at how unsurprised he was to see her. "Do you usually drive around aimlessly on rural roads at night in the dead of winter or did you come looking for me?" He asked the Christmas Hag.

The Christmas Hag rolled her eyes. "I didn't need to look for you, I'm omniscient," she said, turning the car around in a three point turn before heading back towards town. "But I did come to save your dumb hide."

"Well, thanks," Bones said, genuinely grateful for the rescue.

The Hag scoffed. "Don't think I did it out of the kindness of my heart," she said, sounding bored. "I don't get paid if you die before you learn the true meaning of Christmas."

Bones shook his head. "Hate to break it to you, but I don't think this quest you've sent me on is going to teach me anything about Christmas," he said flatly. "Unless the true meaning of Christmas has something to do with Jim and Spock's habit of being annoying motherfuckers."

"Look man, I'm too tired for this," the Hag said, scrubbing a grey hand across her face. Bones was about to retort when she snapped her fingers, and that was the last thing he remembered before waking up in his motel room.

"Ugh. Right," Bones said once he recalled his evening, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then, with a sigh, he got moving. The ice sculpture competition, and his deadline, were tomorrow night. He didn't have time to waste.

Bones wasn't sure where Spock or Jim would be at this hour, but at least it was a relatively warm and sunny day for searching the town for them. He had started his search by knocking on Spock's motel room door, but there was no answer, so Bones assumed that he wasn't there. His next idea was to check The Coffee Shop. Jim had said that he would speak with Uhura about what Spock had discovered, and while he had probably already done that twelve hours ago, Uhura's store was probably still a good place to start his search.

The sleigh bells above the door sang as Bones walked into the shop, prompting a small cluster of familiar faces to look up at him suddenly. Bones froze in the doorway, taking in the sight of Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov all huddled around a table strewn with maps and documents, all looking at him as if he'd walked in on something he wasn't supposed to see.

"Oh, sorry," Bones said, still standing awkwardly in the open doorway. "I thought the place was open." He was about to turn around and leave, continuing his search for Spock and Jim, when Chekov stood up.

"No, no, I am sorry. The store, it is open," Chekov said, heading for the counter and grabbing an apron off a hook on his way. "Please, come in." Bones did so, following Chekov to the counter. "What is it I can get for you?" Chekov asked as he walked around the counter, tying his apron strings.

"Coffee, please," Bones answered. "Black. And to stay."

"Yes, I can do that right away," Chekov said, trying to sound chipper, but falling flat.

"Thanks," Bones said, hesitating a moment. "Hey, is something wrong? You guys seem a bit tense," he said to Chekov, gesturing back to Sulu and Scotty who were whispering to each other over the table.

Chekov grimaced. "There is…. problem to be sorted. We are waiting for news. It is an anxious wait," he shrugged nervously, passing Bones his coffee.

As if on cue, the sleigh bells jingled and Chekov's head shot up. His eyes lit up, and Bones turned around to see Uhura walk in, with Jim and Spock in tow. Scotty and Sulu seemed just as excited at the newcomers' arrival as Chekov, both standing up eagerly to greet them.

"How did it go?" Sulu asked.

Uhura sighed, peeling her coat off before sitting down heavily at the table. "Not great, but I suppose it could be worse," she said, as they all gathered back around the table. Spock locked eyes with Bones, and nudged Jim, whose eyes lit up in recognition.

"Hey! Leonard! Come over here!" Jim called, waving him over. Bones grimaced inwardly, but picked up his coffee and walked over to their table, standing off to the side. "This is the guy who tipped Spock off about the whole thing," he said to the others as Bones approached.

He gave a short wave, and an awkward round of introductions began. Awkward for Bones, at least, since he already knew everyone at the table, but they didn't know him beyond recognizing him from a brief encounter.

"I'm guessing there was something to those rumours, then?" Bones asked, playing along.

They all nodded gravely, except for Sulu, who turned to Uhura and said, "Nyota, please, I'm dying here. What did Mr Janson say?"

Uhura sighed. "Well, he isn't going to refuse to sell his land to the country club. They're offering him a pretty good deal on it I guess."

Scotty swore under his breath. "Well if that's not just like the old bastard. Sees his chance to get some money and skip town without a care what happens to the rest of us." He huffed, adding, "You explained what would happen here if he sold to them, right?"

"Of course she did," Sulu rolled his eyes as Uhura nodded.

"He did give us an ultimatum, though," Uhura said, not sounding enthusiastic about it. "If we can match the club's offer, he'll agree to sell it to us instead."

The table fell silent for a moment, before Chekov hesitantly asked, "How much is the price?"

Uhura placed a sheet of paper on the table, sliding it into the middle for everyone to see. Bones wasn't sure how the currency worked in this universe, but judging from the expressions of those that did, it was a big number.

Jim groaned. "We can't afford that! Even if we pooled every cent to our names we couldn't afford that, not without selling our businesses," he lamented. "And that's antithetical to the whole 'save our businesses' thing."

"Also," Uhura said, clearly not wanting to be the bearer of even more bad news, "There's a deadline on it. His deal with the club will be finalized tomorrow night. If we can't come up with the money before then, the deed goes over to the club."

Scotty put his face in his hands. "This is hopeless. We've lost already."

"Maybe we can get a loan from the bank?" Sulu suggested.

Scotty scoffed. "Didn't you hear her? We've only got a day, we can't wait around for months for a bank loan to get approved."

Sulu grimaced. "We can fundraise?" He said, with very little confidence.

"Again, lad, one day." Scotty said bitterly. "There's no time for any of that!"

"At least I'm spitballing ideas, you've just given up already!" Sulu snapped at him.

Scotty leaned over the table, stabbing a finger of emphasis at Sulu. "I have not given up-"

"Then what's your bright idea?"

"I don't have one!" Scotty threw his hands up. “That’s the problem! There aren’t any-”

Uhura slammed her hands down on the table, interrupting them. "Guys! Shut up! No fighting in the goddamned war room." She glared at Sulu and Scotty until they relaxed back in their chairs. "I know it looks hopeless, but we have to try."

"Nyota's right," Jim said. "If we put our heads together, we're bound to come up with some feasible plan. The people of this town care about their town. Once they know what's going on, we'll have their support.”

“And I’ve sent word back to the city paper, so we might be able to get some additional support there,” Spock added.

Uhura nodded. "Exactly. Alone we're screwed, but if we can rally an army…" She waved an arm nebulously.

Scotty sighed. "Aye. The chances for success seem slim, but you're right. We have to try. The town'll help."

Uhura turned to Bones, who was awkwardly observing them from a few feet away. "Speaking of recruiting… How about it, Leonard? Give us a hand?" She asked, hopefully.

"Of course," Bones said, as if he could have said no.

Uhura smiled. "Great, grab a chair. We've got plans to make."

< Previous Chapter . . . . . Next Chapter >
Title Page & Chapter Directory