The Doctor, the Hag, and the AU, or, Bones and the Hallmark Christmas Movie Curse

Chapter 10: Conflict of Interest

Plans get put into action. Bones gets stuck answering phones. Uhura is definitely the captain in this universe.

“Alright,” Uhura said, brushing the eraser shavings off her notebook. They had spent the last couple hours trying to come up with ideas to prevent the country club from acquiring Mr Janson’s property, and they had drafted something that sort of resembled a plan. Uhura summarized to make sure everyone was on the same page. “We all know fundraising is a longshot with this short of notice, but I think it’s worth a good try. I really think that the town will come together to help us out with this, so our main objectives are to set up the fundraiser and to make sure everyone is aware that it’s happening. Our biggest challenges are going to be raising public awareness of the whole country club/walmart situation, and actually setting up a fundraising event. For the latter I’m hoping we can commandeer the Winter Carnival. It’s a popular event and if we can get the organizers on board to turn it into a fundraising event, I think we can gather a significant amount of money.”

“Oh!” Chekov said excitedly, raising his hand. “What if we talked to the organizers of the ice sculpture competition? Perhaps they’ll dedicate some of the prize pool to the cause.”

Sulu patted Chekov on the shoulder. “It’s a good idea, Pav, but those organizers are pricks. I really don’t think they’ll allow it, especially since sign ups have already happened.”

“It’s worth asking, though,” Uhura said, adding it to the list. “If they say no, then Jimmy here better do a banger sculpture again this year,” she teased, shooting a smile at Jim.

“Wow, no pressure or anything,” Jim laughed, running a hand through his hair.

Scotty gave Jim a nudge. “What’re you planning on making out of ice this year?”

“Aw jeez, I haven’t even decided yet,” Jim admitted sheepishly.

“Then how are we supposed to tell you if it’s a winning idea or not?” Sulu asked, feigning dramatics. “How will you ever get by without our expert opinions!”

“Okay guys, we’ve got a lot of work to do,” Uhura said, tapping her notebook with her pencil to remind everyone why they were there. Everyone calmed down and paid attention. “Right. Hikaru, you’re with me. We’re gonna go talk to the carnival organizers and see if we can’t get that set. Scotty, you go talk to the mayor. See if you can’t get an announcement made. Spock, you write a piece for the front page of tomorrow’s paper. I know the publisher, and he owes me a favour, he’ll print it. Emphasize how important it is that we acquire that land, and tell the people how they can help. Also,” Uhura paused, raising a finger. “Get some interviews from people around town. It’ll be good for people to see their neighbors weigh in on this.” She pointed at Chekov. “Pavel, you’re the internet guy. Stir up some shit on social media.”

“Aye, Captain,” Chekov said with a salute.

“Jim, someone’s gotta hold down the fort. The shop will be our base of operations and we need someone answering the phones when people call with questions. Your arm is broken, so you’re getting this job,” Uhura said.

“Are you sure I can’t be more useful?” Jim asked, seeming disappointed.

Uhura shrugged. “Sorry, someone’s gotta stay. Besides, it’s important.”

“Alright, no problem,” Jim said, offering a smile.

Uhura checked her list again. “And… Leonard, you’re with Spock. Go help with those interviews. Everyone clear? Any questions?”

Chekov raised his hand. “Do I have to pay for the internet?” He asked, gesturing to the computers in the corner.

“Pavel, you work here, and you’re on town-saving duty, don’t be silly,” Uhura said.

Chekov blinked at her. “So I have to pay…?”

Uhura sighed. “No, just use the override code. You’re good.” Chekov grinned and shot off towards the computers, eager to get to work.

Bones raised a hand tentatively, unsure if it was just a Chekov-habit or if it was expected of him. “I think that if Spock is off getting interviews with the townspeople, I think one of the locals should go with him,” he said. “I think people will be less likely to answer questions and believe what we’re telling them if it’s just two strangers walking around ambushing them. Why don’t I swap places with Jim? He’s a familiar face.” Despite the fact that he was entirely bullshitting a way to get Jim and Spock paired together for the rest of the day, he actually had a valid point and was proud of himself for it. Jim lit up at the suggestion, looking at Uhura with the kind of puppy-dog eyes only Jim could pull off.

Uhura nodded. “That’s a good idea, Leonard,” she said, erasing something in her notebook and amending it. “You stay here and answer phones. And offer information to anyone who shows up in person. Jim, you’re with Spock. Try not to break any more limbs, we need you to kick ass in the competition tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, Nyota, I’ll keep all my injuries isolated to this arm,” Jim said, smacking himself on his busted arm. “Ow,” he winced. Both Bones and Uhura rolled their eyes at him.

Uhura clapped. “Alright, let's get out there and show those rich idiots whose boss!”

Bones was dying. Well, no, he wasn’t. He was being dramatic. But he was dying to know what Jim and Spock were up to. Of course, he knew that they were out collecting interviews for both the morning paper and for Chekov to post on the internet, but he wanted to know what was happening between those interviews. Were they getting to know each other? Were they too distracted by the doomsday clock Bones had accidentally uncovered? He wanted desperately to know, but he had a job to do, and on second thought, he really didn’t want to witness their cringe flirting if that’s what was going on.

So instead, Bones busied himself with the job he had practically begged Uhura for. As the day went by and more and more people of Smalltown called the Coffee Shop for more information after they learned about the looming threat of a Walmart coming to their town, either from Chekov’s internet escapades, Spock and Jim inadvertently spreading the word while doing interviews, or the information sent out from the official Smalltown social medias, courtesy of the mayor and Scotty.

Speaking of Scotty, the car rental guy/mechanic/defacto roadside assistance guy was the first to return back to The Coffee Shop after completing his tasks, which were a success as evidenced by the messages that were put out on the Smalltown social media accounts, which Chekov showed to Bones the moment he spotted them. Scotty jumped in on fielding calls, and with the extra person on duty Bones decided to try and find a valid excuse that would let him escape The Coffee Shop to go track down Jim and Spock.

Unfortunately, thinking of something that didn’t sound like a lame excuse to ditch out of phone duty was a task easier said than done. Fortunately, Jim and Spock were the next ones to walk back into their base of operations, having gathered enough interviews to work with. Spock sat down in one of the booths, opening up his laptop, presumably to write his article, while Jim took a page of notes over to the computers to pass on to Chekov.

“How’d it go?” Bones asked as Jim passed by him.

“Good,” Jim said brightly. “People are angry. I knew nobody would stand for this corporate big box bullshit moving into our neighborhood!”

Bones nodded. “Good, that’s what we want.”

In a lowered voice, Jim said, “Thanks for swapping places with me, by the way,” and winked.

“Yeah, no problem, kid,” Bones answered. As the phone began to ring, he wondered if Jim was thanking him for getting him out of phone duty, or for sending him off for some one-on-one time with Spock. When he looked over at the booth again after answering a caller’s questions, he determined that it was the latter. Jim was sitting beside Spock, leaning unnecessarily close to him to read over Spock’s shoulder as he typed his article. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could see Jim occasionally point to something on the screen and say something, and Spock would look at him, listening intently, their faces close together. Then Spock would nod in agreement and return to writing.

Even though setting his friends up together was Bones’ entire objective and his ticket back home, he had only one thought about the two idiots getting snuggly in the booth. Gross.

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