Book Report: Too Bright To See

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Book Report: Too Bright to See by Kyle Lukoff

Synopsis

Too Bright To See is a story about grief, growing up, and finding yourself. It's also a ghost story.

At the beginning of the summer, Bug's uncle Roderick dies. Having always lived in a haunted house, Bug is no stranger to ghosts, but now it seems that Uncle Roderick is haunting it too— and he has a lot more to say than the other ghosts. Bug's friend Moira is trying her best to prepare them both for starting middle school in the fall— learning to do makeup, talking about boys, and all the things that girls do at that age. But Bug is more concerned that Uncle Roderick isn't at peace, and needs to find out why. What is it that Uncle Roderick is trying to say?

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Plot Summary - Spoilers!

Bug is an eleven year old boy, but at the beginning of this story, he hasn't yet figured out that he is a boy. So far, he has been raised as a girl. The story opens on a gathering at Bug's house after his Uncle Roderick's funeral. Until his death, Uncle Roderick lived in the house with Bug and his mom. The house has always been haunted, and Bug has always known this, but after his uncle dies, it becomes haunted in another way. Instead of just being haunted by ghosts, the house is now haunted by the memory of Uncle Roderick and everything he left behind.

Every year, Bug had gone to a summer camp for the month of July, but this year, his mom can't afford to send him. Her greeting card business isn't doing well, and Uncle Roderick's medical bills and funeral costs have put the family under financial strain. So Bug spends the whole summer at home, hanging out with his closest friend, Moira.

Bug and Moira will be starting middle school when summer ends, and for Moira, this is a huge deal. She starts insisting that everyone call her by her full name instead of her nickname, Mo, because she feels that the nickname is too childish. But Bug doesn't want to go by his full name. He doesn't even want anyone to know what it is. He just wants to be Bug. In preparation for middle school, Moira has been reading teen magazines and versing herself in the world of makeup, shopping, and boys. When Moira comes over for a sleepover, she gives Bug a makeover, and he doesn't like how he looks or feels wearing makeup. While they are sleeping, one of Moira's nail polish bottles inexplicably breaks on the rug, and Moira steps in the broken glass, waking up Bug with her screams. Bug is confused because they definitely didn't break it, and the ghosts that haunt the house have never done anything like that before. This won't be the last time Bug experiences a haunting.

Another night, Bug has a nightmare where he is in a dark void applying makeup to his own skeletal face. When he wakes up, he finds his room ransacked. At first he thinks someone had broken in, but after thinking about it, decides it's more likely he was sleep walking. Or maybe it was the ghosts. Bug cleans everything up before his mom can see, and he doesn't mention the incident to her.

Moira invites Bug over to her house, and Bug goes assuming it will be one of their regular hang-outs. He is surprised to find that Moira has invited over several other girls as well, and he wishes he hadn't come after all. He has a hard time connecting with the group as they look at teen magazines and talk about boys, makeup, and shopping. That night after Bug goes home, he has a nightmare where the girls are all surrounding him and laughing, and he can't get away from them. This time when he wakes up, he finds a strange note on the floor, but it is illegible. He is unsure where it came from, so he asks his mom if it was hers, but she neither wrote it nor had she seen it before. Bug thinks the writing looks like Uncle Roderick's handwriting.

Bug wants to know why he is being haunted, so he searches the boxes in the attic in order to learn more about the former residents of the house. They hadn't bothered him like this before, so he hopes to find some answers, but doesn't find anything.

Another night, Bug has yet another nightmare. This time he is in a store and has to try on a whole bunch of dresses, but they are all too small and uncomfortable. When he wakes up the next morning and gets dressed for the day, he finds Uncle Roderick's high school yearbook in his sock drawer. This is when he realizes that it isn't the former residents of the house that are haunting him— it's the ghost of Uncle Roderick.

With how strange the house has been since Uncle Roderick died, Bug has been spending most of his days outside, avoiding the house and the associated hauntings. One day, he is spending the afternoon near the creek when he thinks he hears the voice of his uncle saying he needs to tell Bug something. The hauntings only get worse. When Bug's mom is out one evening, Uncle Roderick's ghost starts slamming windows and doors and turning the tv and lights on and off. Bug survives the haunting unscathed, but he is shaken by it.

Bug's mom tells him she might have to sell the house. Her greeting card business isn't doing well, and it's getting hard to pay the bills. Bug is determined to find out what he needs to do to help Uncle Roderick be at peace before this happens— or before Uncle Roderick's ghost fades. So Bug heads to the library to try and learn more about ghosts. While there, he meets a boy named Griffin who just moved into town, and they hit it off. Bug has never felt able to connect to anyone his own age like this before, even with Moira.

Bug tells Moira about the hauntings. In an attempt to contact Uncle Roderick, the two use a Ouija board, but nothing comes of it. After Moira leaves, Bug tries again by himself and this time he is successful. He gets a message that says, 'be yourself.'

In search of more answers for why Uncle Roderick's ghost is lingering and haunting the house, Bug goes into Uncle Roderick's untouched bedroom. Under the bed, he finds a box full of queer literature collected in New York— including a lot of pamphlets about being transgender. This worries Bug, because he thinks that Uncle Roderick might have been a transgender woman, and his soul can't rest peacefully because he could never be his— or rather her —true self. Bug brings up his concern with his mom, but she doesn't think Uncle Roderick was transgender. Uncle Roderick— who was gay and also worked as a drag queen —was always confident in his identity, so he would have told them if he was transgender. So this isn't what Uncle Roderick is trying to tell Bug, either.

Bug's twelfth birthday is in August, and Moira throws a surprise sleepover party for him with a bunch of girls in attendance. Bug doesn't jive with them, but he still has fun. That night, Bug has another dream, but this time it isn't a nightmare. He dreams that his uncle in his drag getup is about to give Bug a haircut. In the morning, Bug is woken by a scream and runs to the bathroom to find Moira standing over clumps of shorn hair on the floor. Bug runs a hand over his head and realizes it's his hair, and he has a buzz cut. Nobody can explain how it had happened, but this doesn't matter to Bug as he looks in the mirror and for the first time truly recognizes himself in it. He finally realizes what Uncle Roderick was trying to tell him this whole time— Bug is actually a boy.

Bug goes home after the party and tells his mom that he is a boy, and she is very supportive of him and proud. He later tells Moira of his revelation, and she is glad, knowing he'll have a better time at school if he is confident in his own identity. Bug and his mom meet with the principal before school starts to make sure the school will be a safe place for him, and the principal assures them that his deadname won't be used and that he can use whichever bathrooms he feels comfortable using.

Bug's mom also announces to him that they won't have to sell the house after all— her new line of greeting cards is proving to be very successful. Everything is looking up for Bug, especially when he begins school and his classmates are all very accepting of him.

In the end, Bug has another dream about Uncle Roderick. This time, Uncle Roderick is telling Bug he's proud of him for figuring out who he is. Bug decides to name himself Tommy, after his uncle, whose middle name was Thomas.

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Thoughts - Spoilers!

This is a book aimed at middle grade students. While I usually don't read children's books, I chose to pick this one up to fill a prompt for a reading challenge, and I wasn't disappointed. While the prose and the story are definitely accessible to a younger audience, I still enjoyed the ghost story and Bug's journey to understanding himself.

Too Bright to See was written by Kyle Lukoff, a transgender man, and was a recipient of the Stonewall Book Award for the Children's and Young Adult category. It's really great to see transgender representation in children's media, especially transmasculine representation, which in my opinion is underrepresented when compared to transfeminine representations. I was able to relate to Bug during his struggles with grief and self realization, especially when I thought back to when I was the age Bug is in this story. While I don't think Bug is a very complex character— I mean, is anyone particularly complex at age twelve? —I think he was written realistically and relatably, especially for the target age demographic.

This is a coming of age story— a journey of a young boy discovering who he is, and processing grief. It has positive representation for transgender people, without depictions of transphobia, which I like because too many transgender stories are sadly imbued with the struggles of dealing with transphobia. This book shows the good and the worth in the transgender journey— acceptance and being comfortable in one's identity —and sends the message to kids that being transgender is normal and beautiful without also scaring them with the bleak realities of it in this current age. The book is very idealistic about being transgender in this way, but for a book aimed at kids, I don't think this is a bad thing. This is an encouraging and uplifting story for any kids who might relate to Bug's story— and that's good. That's what the book is for.

All in all, I recommend this book to any middle grade kids and any adults who could have benefited from a book like this in their childhood— from personal experience, it's a cathartic read.